door 415: Birth Story

Dear Leila,
I keep procrastinating instead of writing this letter. Not because I don't want to, but because I just can't believe I'm going to write your 12 month letter and I have so much to say. My mind just overflows with thoughts...so lets just begin writing, shall we?

When we brought you home from the hospital I wanted to write your birth story right away, but I also wanted to spend every waking moment with you so I put it off. Well, a year later still no birth story. This is the perfect time to write it because I can still remember the details like it was yesterday. So here it goes...the very long detailed version, I don't want to leave anything out:

Birth Story:
I can't help but think about what we were doing a year ago. My mom arrived about a week before my due date because she didn't want to miss a thing. She stayed with us for 5 weeks to offer a much needed helping hand. When she arrived we did everything we could to get you to come. We got pedicures, did lots of walking, curb walking, swimming, ate spicy foods, etc...we did all the tricks in the book.

Getting pedicures on July 9, 2010.

At my last couple doctor appointments I was dilated to a 2-2.5. I was improving each week and my doctor was confidant I'd deliver on or after my due date, July 12, 2011. It was Saturday July10th, I had a feeling I wouldn't go past my due date so we knew this was our last Saturday before your arrival. My mom told us to go out on our last date and spend our last day together as a family of two.

First thing on the agenda was to buy a video camera so we could record the big event. I remember asking my doctor and friends what contractions felt like so I knew when it would start, everyone said, "you'll know". How am I supossed to know? I thought I might have felt my first contraction while looking a video cameras at Best Buy because I started feeling cramps. Could this be contractions? I still didn't know. I texted my friends Jalaine and Sheri who just had babies and described to them what I was feeling. They both said that's exactly what contractions feel like. Hmm, these weren't that bad, I could handle this. They just felt like lower cramps and weren't that painful...yet. It was around 3:00pm.

With the video camera in tow it was off to take my 39 week photo. At 21 weeks Eric started taking pictures of my growing belly every week at a new venue and put his photoshop skills to work. I love festivals so we went to the American Fork Steel Days Carnival for possibly the last photoshoot we'd ever have with you in my belly. I was so overly huge and gross that it didn't turn out cute at all but here it is:

I was craving a big juicy burger so we picked up my mom and went to Five Guys for dinner and possibly even our last movie at the theater? During dinner I started feeling my cramps or contractions get stronger. I still wasn't sure at this point. They were happening every few minutes so Eric suggested I start timing them (peak to peak) and they were about 3-4 minutes apart lasting about 30 seconds.

I remember what the nurse said who taught our prenatal class: if you can talk and smile through your contractions then don't come in, we'll most likely just send you home and you'll do the walk of shame. I DID NOT want to do the walk of shame so I told myself early on that I wouldn't go to the hospital until I couldn't talk through the pain. I wasn't going to be one of those first time moms that come into the hospital all the time because they think they are in labor - nope not me. I could talk, eat, and smile through these "contractions" so I knew you weren't coming yet. We thought you could be on your way soon so we decided to forgo the movie just in case. There wasn't anything I wanted to see, Knight and Day or Toy Story 3 maybe?

Since I was starting to have contractions (at this point I was pretty sure they were contractions since they were happening so regularly), my mom insisted we do some more curb walking. We walked across the way to the old Mervyn's parking lot and curb walked until I couldn't anymore. I was tired and it was getting late so we went home so Eric could put your swing together and so my mom could finish hand sewing your bird blanket.

By this time it was 10:00pm and I think my contractions were about 2 minutes apart and uncomfortable but not painful - and my pain tolerance isn't very high.

I figured I should probably call my Dr. to tell him how I was feeling. He was off and Dr. Young was on shift - I wasn't bothered because sadly I didn't absolutely love my doctor and actually thought about changing doctors several times but it was just too late in my pregnancy. Anyway, Dr. Young said if I don't live very far from the hospital (I don't only 5 minutes) then I should come in just to take a peeksy and it wasn't a big deal if they sent me home. Ha, I knew if we went to the hospital I wasn't coming back.

We took our time going to the hospital, I showered (wanted to be sure I smelled nice and felt clean since I didn't know when I'd be able to shower again). I straightened the house because the next time we came home we could have you in our arms!

Was it really time to go to the hospital? This experience felt so surreal. Many times I thought about how this moment would go - you know, hospital time. Would it be a mad rush to the hospital? Would I forget anything? Would Eric be with me or would he be working and have to meet me there? Would I have to have someone else take me? Would we be speeding on the way over because I was in labor? If we got pulled over would the cop escort us there?

Nope. Nope. And nope. This was the best possible scenario and turned out better than I expected. Eric, my mom and I all left the house very calmly. It was around 11:00 pm when we checked in so the hospital and it was very quiet. I remember trying not to smile when we got checked in because I didn't want them to think this would be a false alarm and send me home.

The head nurse, Anna, checked us into a temporary room where she hooked me up and started asking me all these questions. By the end of her set of questions I told her I thought I was having contractions and she said "You've been having contractions this whole time, see these peaks, those are your contractions, and the red line is your babies heart rate".

Coolest thing ever...all three of us looked at the screen and now I could prepare myself when I saw a contraction coming. I was glad to know what I was feeling were in fact contractions and that assured me that I probably wasn't going home.

Anna said I was dilated to a 3.5 and wanted me to be at a 4.5/5 before they'd admit me so she recommended I walk around the hospital to help speed up the process and she'd check back in about an hour. It took me weeks to get this far, I had no idea how I was going to dilate 1 cm in the next hour.

I was feeling fine, laying on the bed when all of a sudden I felt like I went from a 4 on a pain scale from 1-10 and quickly sped up to an 8/9 in a matter of minutes. It was an intense pain, the pain I expected to come along when feeling contractions. Leila you heard me loud and clear and said, "Momma, I'll help you dilate to 1cm in an hour, don't you worry about a thing, I'm on my way".

My mom, Eric and I walked around the small hospital and every time I had a contraction I'd hold onto the rail in the hallway and cling to it for dear life until it passed. I wasn't really prepared or knew how to deal with this pain. We briefly touched on it in our prenatal class but since I was planning on taking the epidural I didn't take the other classes offered for natural delivery. I should have so I would know how to deal with the pain before I was to receive the epidural. The pain I felt is undescribable and I've never experienced anything quite like it. How do women go natural? I wasn't even half way!

After 2 rounds we made it back to the room and buzzed the nurse, It'd only been like 30 minutes and Anna said to do a couple more laps. We went around the hospital one more time and she saw how much pain I was in and didn't even check to see how dilated I was, she said she didn't need to and admitted me right then and there. It was about 12:15am. Anna called the anesthiologist and he'd be here in an hour.

The hospital wasn't very busy so I got to pick my room, this was important because I'd be in this room for my entire stay, that's one of the things I loved most about delivery at Orem Community Hospital. We did our research: Utah Valley Regional vs. Orem Community and I had my heart set on delivering at a small hospital where you stay in your room the whole time and keep the same nurse throughout your stay (well, same nurse for 12 hours).

We poked our heads in about 4 rooms, they all looked really homey and all had jacuzzi tubs. Anna said she delivered in room 113 and thought it was the best room. I'm not usually a fan of odd numbers but this room felt right, so 113 it was.

It was all going by so fast, the anesthesiologist arrived to save me from my misery. Everyone said how painful the epidural would be...I guess I prepared myself for the worst because I don't remember it hurting too bad. I could just feel drops of blood rolling down my back.

Ahh, RELIEF!

Once I got the epidural it was almost immediate relief!! I admire the women that can deliver without medicine but since it's available I couldn't pass up the opportunity to have a pain free delivery (well, almost). I was worried I'd feel paralyzed and claustrophobic from the epidural since they say I won't be able to move my legs, but I guess they gave me a lower dose or the man was skilled and knew what he was doing (I hear my anesthesiologist was the best in the valley) and I was still able to move my legs - thank goodness. Now I was finally able to get some rest for a couple hours and wait for my body to tell me when it was time.

Anna, my nurse, said her shift was over at 6am and hoped I would deliver by then but highly doubted it because first time moms don't usually deliver that quickly. It's funny how attached you get to your nurses. I loved Anna and didn't want someone else to come in half way through. She checked on me every couple hours and every time she came in I was dialted 1-2 centimeters more, I was progressing quickly! She was shocked that you might be coming sooner than she thought. When she checked on me at 5:30am I was dilated to a 10! My water hadn't broke yet and she said she needed to break it. When she went in for a second feel she accidentally broke it and water went everywhere...all over her shoes and the floor. It seriously felt like a balloon had popped inside me.

Anna called the doctor and it was time! She said when I had the urge to push I needed to start pushing. How would I know? "Oh, you'll know" she said, "if it feels like you need to go #2 then start pushing". Yup, I knew exactly what she was talking about.

I started pushing at 6am. Eric was holding one knee my mom was holding the other. I wanted Eric and my mom in the room, no one else. I was on the fence about having my mom in the room in the first place because I wanted it to be an intimate moment for Eric and I but was glad she was there to share this special moment with us...and so she could hold my other knee. Loved having my two favorite people in the room with me. In the beginning I told her she couldn't look, by the end I didn't care what was going on but my mom said she kept her word. Anna was a great coach and told me when to push and for how long. It didn't take long for me to realize what a good push was and Leila, you were coming along just fine. I thought I'd have to push a lot longer but you were crowning when the doctor arrived.

The doctor arrived at 6:30 and the first thing he said was, "You weren't kidding when you said the baby was on its way!". I did 2 big pushes for Dr. Strong. Though I was on the epidural I could still feel the pain and I was glad to feel something. On the final push I yelled, "IT HURTS!!!" and then that was it. I heard you cry. I couldn't believe you were that close to coming out, I thought I'd be pushing for a while because first time moms are in labor for hours. My first reaction was, "that's it, I did it?". Yes, I did it. We did it! The first thing I saw was your daddy's reaction to seeing you come out of the womb...it was priceless and the most precious thing I'd ever seen. From that moment on I knew you would have him wrapped around your little finger.

Again, it all seemed to have happened so fast and Eric barely had time to cut the umbilical cord. I was so proud of him. Let's just say he doesn't do too well in hospitals or with blood. We were both worried he'd pass out during delivery but he was a champ and was there for me and by my side every moment of the way. We looked at each other and were both beaming from ear to ear!

Leila, you were born at 6:38am and I only pushed for 38 minutes. No forceps were used in your delivery and my nurse made it for the whole show, she practically delivered me. People aren't lying when they say the doctor is only there to catch, at least this was the case for me.

They took you away from me the moment you were delivered and I didn't even get a chance to see my beautiful baby girl. When my water broke they noticed signs of meconium (your poop) - meaning you probably had swallowed some...no bueno.

When they initially told me, I'd asked for the worst case scenario. They said if you swallowed meconium and it went to your lungs they might have to take you to Utah Valley Regional Hospital. I was worried but knew you were in good hands. Before you were delivered they had the specialists waiting in the room ready to get you all suctioned out and cleaned up inside and out. But I was so sad, not knowing exactly what was going on. Thank goodness it wasn't too bad and they got you ready for me to hold in a short time - but it felt like an eternity! All I wanted to do was to hold you and see what you looked like.

The moment they put you in my arms I was overwhelmed with emotion from the reality of your presence, becoming a mother, exhaustion from the delivery, and the excitement that you were finally here. I couldn't believe I was a mother and that I was responsible for you. I'm not going to lie, I was a little scared but knew that the three of us were a family and together we could get through anything. It's impossible to describe the joy I felt when I finally got to hold you and meet you. You looked just like your daddy and a lot like my dad, your abuelito. Leila, you are my beautiful guerita! One look at you and your daddy and I were hooked. And you were all ours!

You were 8lbs 1oz, 20.5 inches long and the most beautiful baby I'd ever seen. I made sure to count your fingers and toes, yup they were all there. You had the most beautiful blue eyes, I was hoping they'd stay blue and they did. You were a healthy little girl and the biggest and only blonde in the hospital (I was shocked because I was half way expecting you to come out with a full head of black hair - but you are only 1/4 Mexican and apparently that gene isn't the dominant one).

Giving birth was an awesome and spiritual experience. It's such an amazing thing to push a soul out of my body and was a great way to connect to God. There's no denying he exists, I felt closer to Him and giving birth allowed me to feel what it means to be a partner with God. My body was on autopilot and He was the one running the show.

It was an easy, smooth, and fast delivery and I had a speedy recovery too. We were so blessed to be able to take you home right away. I'd go through labor again in a heartbeat...it was nursing that was the hard part!

You had lots of people waiting to hold you just outside the room, namely your grandma and grandpa Fuessel. They were eager to come in and meet you. You had lots of visitors later that day, all just to see you and welcome you to the world. Everyone loved you and thought you were the most beautiful thing they'd ever seen.

Leila, we've loved you from the moment we knew of your existence, our love for you just grows and grows. We're so happy to be your parents. Life is so much more exciting with you around!

Our wonderful friend, neighbor, and talented photographer, Emily, came and took our hospital pictures. I, of course, think they turned out amazing so here are some of our favorites: